In My Head (I Do Everything Right)

her laugh is soft, and when she laughs at something i said, i blush and look away. she borrows a skirt i own- black with flowers all over it- and when i tell her it looks prettier on her, she dismisses me, flustered. you'd say that, she says with a giggle, and i smile because i would, of course. that doesn't make it any less true. she sits me down on a chair and braids my hair, then covers my eyes with her hands until i'm facing the mirror. i open my eyes, and laugh at the face in the mirror that doesn't look like me. what's funny, she asks, laughter rippling in her chest. i don't answer.

can you sing to me, she whispers, small in the darkness of the night. 

i don't sing, i say, that's not something you want to hear. 

she curls up into herself, even smaller. she wakes up cold. 

+

her laugh was soft, and i'd never heard her laugh before. when she laughed at something i said, i blushed and looked away. she borrowed a skirt i owned- black with flowers all over it- and when i told her it looked prettier on her, she dismissed me, flustered. you'd say that, she said with a giggle, and i smiled. of course i would, i told her, that doesn't make it any less true. a day later when she got home to a flowery skirt wrapped in brown paper, she couldn't contain her smile. she sat me down in a chair and braided my hair, then covered my eyes with her hands until i was facing the mirror. i opened my eyes, and her smile was the first thing i saw. i didn't need to see much else. 

can you sing to me, she whispered, small in the darkness of the night. 

of course i can, i replied, cover your ears right now. 

she didn't cover her ears, and laughed as i sang. 

she slung a leg around my waist, and woke up warm and at peace. 

+

we fly. like birds on the streets of the grey town, and when it rains, she screams with joy, her laughter ringing across the entire street. i pull her into the shelter, smiling and she kisses me, before pulling me out into the rain again. 

be a little romantic, she giggles. 

you're going to catch a cold, silly, i roll my eyes. 

+

we flew that day, like birds on the streets of the grey town, and when it rained, she screamed with joy, and her laughter rang in my ears, reminding me how lucky i was. 

the rain, i said, you like it?

love it, she smiled mischievously. 

catch me, then, i grinned, starting to run. 

she chased me across the streets, her wings unending. 

and when she finally caught hold of me, we kissed, soaking in the rain this time. 

+

i get home that morning to a girl who's thrilled, excitement seeping out of her in waves. 

i smile, taking her in my arms as she attempts to straightens the red dress i'm wearing, trying to make the creases disappear. she leans in to kiss me, but i pull away. 

you don't want lipstick all over your face, i say, and she frowns for a moment, before the smile is back, i have so much to tell you, i'm so happy you're here. 

i love you, i smile, kissing her on the cheek, but i'm exhausted. 

the frown on her face doesn't go away this time. 

+

i got home that morning to a girl who was thrilled, excitement seeping out of her in waves. a girl who still made my heart beat faster. 

i smiled, taking her in my arms as she attempted to straighten the red dress i was wearing, trying to make the creases disappear. she leaned in to kiss me and i leaned in at the same time. smudged lipstick on her face, me trying to rub it off, more laughter. 

i have so much to tell you, i'm so happy you're here, she whispered, kissing my cheek. 

i love you, i smiled, kissing her again, tell me everything. 

+

it's been three days since she's gone, since she told me she lost her happiness, somewhere along the way. 

it's been a week since she left, taking my happiness with her. 

it's been a fortnight since i've seen her smile, since i've heard her laugh, since i've felt her skin. 

it's been a month since i've felt at home, and i know i need to chase her, i know she's all i have. 

i love her with all i have, and she has to know.

i put on my shoes, and shut the door behind me. 

+

it had been three days since she had gone, since she'd told me she lost her happiness, somewhere along the way. 

it had been a week since she left, taking my happiness with her. 

it had been a fortnight since i'd seen her smile, since i'd heard her laugh, since i'd felt her skin. 

it had been a month since i felt at home, and i knew i needed to chase her, i knew she was all i had. 

i stayed in bed, only getting up to shut the window so the flies don't get in.