letters to nobody #3: roses

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darling nobody,

i am greeted at the airport by beaming faces, and handed a bouquet of roses that i do not get the time to savour, before i am whisked away to smile for photographs. the warmth of the people makes my nervous smile more genuine, and in that moment, i am less afraid of the months that lie ahead of me. i utter broken phrases in spanish, but more than that- i nod and smile, occasionally tilting my head to indicate that i don't understand.
you can rest today, i am told, you will meet everyone tomorrow. 

 i look out the window as my host mother drives- it's exciting, looking out and seeing wider streets, bigger houses and a bluer sky. my host mother and i try to communicate, all laughs, broken phrases and some failed attempts. i love it. i love the thrill of it all, the uncertainty of what will happen tonight and what will happen tomorrow, having no idea where i'm going.

we stop to buy water at the supermarket, and my eyes widen as soon as i step inside. the place is huge, with everything- from food to bikinis. there is a part of the market that has different types of bread in baskets, and it all smells delicious.
we don't have this in india, i tell my mother, and she is surprised.

when we reach my new home, it is already dark- the sky a midnight blue.
there are no stars, i notice- i keep finding my way into cities with no stars.
my new home looks cosy from the outside. it is a beautiful house with an adorable hall and dining room, and a pretty marble staircase leading up to the bedrooms. i instantly love it, and i love the thought of this being my home for the next few months.

+

i consider texting you, then- i'm going to be honest. i sit on the floor, leaning against the bed, and imagine what you would say.
and i know that no matter what you say, it will be underwhelming.
so, i let go.
i'd rather cling on to every positive hope i have than have reality come crashing down upon me.

+

i sleep peacefully that night, not cramped up in a small space for the first time in two days.

darling nobody,

i sleep peacefully the next three nights, with no idea of what lies ahead of me.

the bouquet of roses finds its way onto the vase in the dining table the next morning, and i finally get the time to savour it.

x

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