Everything and Nothing At All

There is so much feeling involved in feeling like nothing at all
I breathe, I strain to be
I felt it once, seven years ago,
Staring at the ceiling from the upper bunk--
Close enough to touch it, only just
It doesn't matter.

You sleep and you eat,
And you slowly begin to understand why
Everyone around you is just as numb
But me, not me-- I am full of life and alive
And I am everything in a world that is not
And when I break, the shards of glasses will be stained
A little bit of rose here, the sky there
And the sun never stops shining yellow
And it will cut you, pierce into your skin smoothly
The way I used to touch it
But you will bleed and when you bleed
That's when
You'll finally think of me.

And I want to say I'm trapped,
I remember the doors shutting
But it feels more like I dug myself into this hole
In this nothingness, this thin forgettable light
And I don't see things the way I used to see them,
You'll say I'm better off but I'm not
For I can't hold a pen
Without thinking it'll be inkless and useless,
In the trash one day,
And not a single tear will be shed
Apart from the weeping of wet ink.

Your words cut me open one morning,
They watched me gasp for everything I'd never find
And nothingness in the place of how beautiful you used to be,
There's that bitter taste again in my mouth-- replacement.

This is to smiling, here's one to ever feeling
Anything more than shut
I'm not a sad person,
But I'm not a happy one either,
And there are things that make you think I'm quiet
And shy, and warm-- all sugary lips
For a moment now, let's forget what you think
Set yourself on fire, bleary alcohol smile
You're not going to read this anyway.